January 15, 2014

Reviewing 2013 & Ramblings :-)

Where did 2013 go??


I started planning a photography business! 

 Captured Milestones Photography is a reality for me!
I loved the babies, the families, the couples and Gods creations I got to
take pictures of in 2013

My daughter got engaged! 
 My Oldest son is working fulltime at Brightwood!
 My Youngest is finishing up High School!
My nest is almost empty which brings me great sadness yet joy !?  

I had no major health issues meaning no emergency room visits or hospital stays.
I did have a lot of little illnesses like colds, flu, sinus infections, Behcet's flairs.

My Hubby and I celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary on the Oregon Coast!

I am looking forward to 2014

Brandie's wedding on June 28th will be the main event of this year but we also have

John's High school graduation which is equally important
along with my niece Amanda who graduating High School too.

I will continue to build up Captured Milestones Photography!

My Sister in Law and Brother In Law are moving
 to Indiana so I would like to take a road trip :-)

On To Ramblings!

My New Years Resolution is eat more chocolate! 
How could anyone fail this challenge??
ME!!!!  UUUGHHHH I didn't eat chocolate yesterday and haven't had any yet today! 
 Oh well at least this resolution I don't feel guilty about breaking and when I do I eat chocolate so did I really break the resolution ?! LOL 

My Faith
Where Do I fit In?

I found myself poundering again where I fit in in church.
I am not a member of any church right now and haven't been since I got married.
Before that I was a member of a conservative
 Baptist Church in Springfield Oregon.

I don't attend church regularly not because
I don't want to go but because I get sick after visiting crowded spaces. 
I have to take immune suppressants and low dose chemo to keep the
Behcet's disease away so I get sick easy and a lot. It sucks because
when I want to go to church I don't because of fear.

I am a conservative modest dressing former head covering
 born again worshiper that doesn't fit any standard mold.
No matter where I go I stand out,
not because I want to but because I practice what God is teaching me. 
I am me and that's ok but still where do I fit in???

 I only own two pairs of woman's jeans and only wear them when
I am going to be doing things that aren't really meant to be done
in a dress or skirt. 

I don't think woman should be preachers but ministering to peers is
ok in my book. There is a big difference between the two
 and are often confused together.

I am not a legalist fundamentalist (remember I wear jeans sometimes),
I cut my hair and don't wear a prayer covering most of the time
 but still do occasionally. I don't have a quiverfull, I watch TV & Movies,
I listen to contemporary Christian Music along with my hymns and gospel music.
I am not good at being the meek quiet submissive wife
I can be very stubborn with the I am right you are wrong attitude that most
Proverb 31 woman do not have.

I like the KJV but I also read and study the NKJV, NIT, ASV
not to keen on the amplified or good news versions though.

I find my cup running on low
 I need a spiritual revision. I need to fit in somewhere.
Does these things mean I am a back sliding heathen
that needs to shunned to find my way back?

No what this means is that I am a Christian woman finding Gods
 way in my life in a world full of sin and hate.
Humbling myself and showing the world that
 "Hey, I am not perfect, I don't have the answers and I make mistakes.
 I choose to follow Gods directions in my life
 and not fall within a man made mold.

Where do I fit In ?? Where God Puts Me!

More Ramblings

Since I am sick more then I would like, I have time to think.

Now with me, thinking is dangerous because my mind doesn't shut off
when it starts. I have this tape in my memory that plays things over and over
and reminds me of things I just soon forget.

Sometimes I can make it stop but sometimes its
 Gods way of bring to light an area I need to work on.

Recently I was reminded of my dark days when I was depressed and
physically harmed myself. But I it isn't the pain that brought me to that point that
I remember it is the forgotten pain I caused thru myself
self harming situation that kept playing in my mind.  People who I didn't think
mattered where brought to my mind of how
 they could of been and probably were hurt by my actions.

I won't name names but I will tell you I am so very sorry
for my actions/words during those dark days.
 I hurt people I didn't mean to hurt
or realize that my actions hurt these people. 

Since my spiritual awakening in 1997 I have come to realize that
words and actions have effected far more people then I can
ever imagine. I am grateful that most of these folks
gracefully kept me in their lives and I just want to say thank you!

To everyone in my life
I am truly humbled by your actions of love when I deserved your
hatred and bitterness. I am sorry and understand now that
that even though I was depressed and sick I am responsible for all my actions!
I no longer blame others, or pass the buck on my illness during those dark days
I was nothing more then a selfish sinner needing God's Grace, Mercy and Love.
I am sorry for my actions.

This week I was reminded that I as a youngster although
I was a victim to bullying and childhood abuses I too once bullied others
 and made others feel small and unwanted too. Please forgive me!

I have no way to tell those people how sorry I am but I am.
Just because I felt bullied was no excuse for me to mean.

I no longer beat myself up for these things. I have laid these issues at the foot of the cross
and will no longer carry the shame or carry the guilt.  I know God reminds me of these things for my good. I don't dwell like I used to.
I have learned to forgive. I have forgiven other and harder yet
 forgiven myself and I choose not to hold on to baggage.

In Conclusion
I may not go to church a lot. But I am continually growing and walking the path God has set before me. I humbly admit I am still a sinner full of Gods Grace and Mercy and
Pray that each one of you follow Gods path in your own life.
You don't have to fit a mold for God to love You!
No matter where He leads you or ask of you I pray that you follow Him!

My journey continues with modest skirts, dresses most of the time.
Jeans or pants will be worn sometimes.
 I will continue pursing my photography dreams
and seeing God in every picture I snap!
I continue my spiritual journey with a truly broken heart
 ready to face every challenge God sets before me.
God Bless Your New Year!



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