January 15, 2014

Reviewing 2013 & Ramblings :-)

Where did 2013 go??


I started planning a photography business! 

 Captured Milestones Photography is a reality for me!
I loved the babies, the families, the couples and Gods creations I got to
take pictures of in 2013

My daughter got engaged! 
 My Oldest son is working fulltime at Brightwood!
 My Youngest is finishing up High School!
My nest is almost empty which brings me great sadness yet joy !?  

I had no major health issues meaning no emergency room visits or hospital stays.
I did have a lot of little illnesses like colds, flu, sinus infections, Behcet's flairs.

My Hubby and I celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary on the Oregon Coast!

I am looking forward to 2014

Brandie's wedding on June 28th will be the main event of this year but we also have

John's High school graduation which is equally important
along with my niece Amanda who graduating High School too.

I will continue to build up Captured Milestones Photography!

My Sister in Law and Brother In Law are moving
 to Indiana so I would like to take a road trip :-)

On To Ramblings!

My New Years Resolution is eat more chocolate! 
How could anyone fail this challenge??
ME!!!!  UUUGHHHH I didn't eat chocolate yesterday and haven't had any yet today! 
 Oh well at least this resolution I don't feel guilty about breaking and when I do I eat chocolate so did I really break the resolution ?! LOL 

My Faith
Where Do I fit In?

I found myself poundering again where I fit in in church.
I am not a member of any church right now and haven't been since I got married.
Before that I was a member of a conservative
 Baptist Church in Springfield Oregon.

I don't attend church regularly not because
I don't want to go but because I get sick after visiting crowded spaces. 
I have to take immune suppressants and low dose chemo to keep the
Behcet's disease away so I get sick easy and a lot. It sucks because
when I want to go to church I don't because of fear.

I am a conservative modest dressing former head covering
 born again worshiper that doesn't fit any standard mold.
No matter where I go I stand out,
not because I want to but because I practice what God is teaching me. 
I am me and that's ok but still where do I fit in???

 I only own two pairs of woman's jeans and only wear them when
I am going to be doing things that aren't really meant to be done
in a dress or skirt. 

I don't think woman should be preachers but ministering to peers is
ok in my book. There is a big difference between the two
 and are often confused together.

I am not a legalist fundamentalist (remember I wear jeans sometimes),
I cut my hair and don't wear a prayer covering most of the time
 but still do occasionally. I don't have a quiverfull, I watch TV & Movies,
I listen to contemporary Christian Music along with my hymns and gospel music.
I am not good at being the meek quiet submissive wife
I can be very stubborn with the I am right you are wrong attitude that most
Proverb 31 woman do not have.

I like the KJV but I also read and study the NKJV, NIT, ASV
not to keen on the amplified or good news versions though.

I find my cup running on low
 I need a spiritual revision. I need to fit in somewhere.
Does these things mean I am a back sliding heathen
that needs to shunned to find my way back?

No what this means is that I am a Christian woman finding Gods
 way in my life in a world full of sin and hate.
Humbling myself and showing the world that
 "Hey, I am not perfect, I don't have the answers and I make mistakes.
 I choose to follow Gods directions in my life
 and not fall within a man made mold.

Where do I fit In ?? Where God Puts Me!

More Ramblings

Since I am sick more then I would like, I have time to think.

Now with me, thinking is dangerous because my mind doesn't shut off
when it starts. I have this tape in my memory that plays things over and over
and reminds me of things I just soon forget.

Sometimes I can make it stop but sometimes its
 Gods way of bring to light an area I need to work on.

Recently I was reminded of my dark days when I was depressed and
physically harmed myself. But I it isn't the pain that brought me to that point that
I remember it is the forgotten pain I caused thru myself
self harming situation that kept playing in my mind.  People who I didn't think
mattered where brought to my mind of how
 they could of been and probably were hurt by my actions.

I won't name names but I will tell you I am so very sorry
for my actions/words during those dark days.
 I hurt people I didn't mean to hurt
or realize that my actions hurt these people. 

Since my spiritual awakening in 1997 I have come to realize that
words and actions have effected far more people then I can
ever imagine. I am grateful that most of these folks
gracefully kept me in their lives and I just want to say thank you!

To everyone in my life
I am truly humbled by your actions of love when I deserved your
hatred and bitterness. I am sorry and understand now that
that even though I was depressed and sick I am responsible for all my actions!
I no longer blame others, or pass the buck on my illness during those dark days
I was nothing more then a selfish sinner needing God's Grace, Mercy and Love.
I am sorry for my actions.

This week I was reminded that I as a youngster although
I was a victim to bullying and childhood abuses I too once bullied others
 and made others feel small and unwanted too. Please forgive me!

I have no way to tell those people how sorry I am but I am.
Just because I felt bullied was no excuse for me to mean.

I no longer beat myself up for these things. I have laid these issues at the foot of the cross
and will no longer carry the shame or carry the guilt.  I know God reminds me of these things for my good. I don't dwell like I used to.
I have learned to forgive. I have forgiven other and harder yet
 forgiven myself and I choose not to hold on to baggage.

In Conclusion
I may not go to church a lot. But I am continually growing and walking the path God has set before me. I humbly admit I am still a sinner full of Gods Grace and Mercy and
Pray that each one of you follow Gods path in your own life.
You don't have to fit a mold for God to love You!
No matter where He leads you or ask of you I pray that you follow Him!

My journey continues with modest skirts, dresses most of the time.
Jeans or pants will be worn sometimes.
 I will continue pursing my photography dreams
and seeing God in every picture I snap!
I continue my spiritual journey with a truly broken heart
 ready to face every challenge God sets before me.
God Bless Your New Year!



December 12, 2012

It is More Then just mere words ....

Matthew 6:9-13

King James Version (KJV)
9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
10 Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
11 Give us this day our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen

Wow this is a powerful prayer if we apply the principles of this prayer to our life daily and not just recite the words of a Bible passage our world would be a happier place.

When I started to pray this prayer daily I just said the words but when I asked God to teach me to be a better Christian so could fully understand Fathers Love for me and when I applied these things to my life I became thankful, grateful, forgiving, loving. I sing to our Father, I live my life differently I am a changed person because I use this prayer as an example on how I need to pray daily and not just say the words.

Example: My prayer tonight would go something like this.....

Dear Father In Heaven, Thank you for providing me three meals today. Thank you for the warm clothes on my back and the Job that provides me the medical insurance to pay for my medications. 
Father thank you for taking my will and making it yours and giving me your power to forgive those who angered me today.  Thank you for showing me how to be a forgiving person, and how to love and show kindness to those who rub me the wrong way
 and while I did get angry and blew it today at least once
 you forgave me and reminded me how to let go
and showed me I need you too take control.

Thank you Father for reminding me that although I have a credit card I should not use it and remind me to stick on budget so that I can become dept free just like you planned in the beginning.  Thank you for removing the temptations I didn't realize were temptations today. And Thank You for reminding me of your promises of tomorrow through
Your word.         Amen

The singer Plum has a song that plays on the radio
Need You Now

Well everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
So, I guess you're tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise


Though I walk, though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?


I need you now
I need you now

This was me feeling desperate and helpless so alone and afraid. I would be so lost if it weren't for
our Father and His promises in His word.
 The Lords Prayer to me is a reminder for me to be thankful, prayerful, forgiving,  to let go of things and let Him take the lead and letting Him have the all the Glory to remind me to PRAISE Him ...

 HE deserves our praise daily and we should use our words and not just recite some words we memorized but put loving spirit behind each word I pray to our Father.

Did you know that it is impossible to truly love when your heart is unforgiving?  When we hold on to anger, hurt and resentment we block love from entering or escaping our heart. The Lords prayer reminds us reminds me to forgive those who hurt us and for me who has control issues and don't like to let go of things,
 the Lords prayer reminds me to let it go. 

The moment I let go of things I shouldn't of been holding onto my heart changes and the immediate love of our Father is instantly felt. I still cry out to Father I need you but it isn't as desperate or hopeless prayer but more of I know your there and listening take control Father cause I am not handling this Your way.

Thank You Father for your faithfulness in our lives and thank you for never going back on your promises Father.  I will praise your name Father for your Love is so great it is beyond description. Thank you for never giving up on us! AMEN

If you read this and don't know first hand of our Fathers Love for our lives and want to know more just send me a message.
Don't feel comfortable talking to me no problem any Bible Based Church in your area or Christian Radio station (like KLOVE) have pastors on call to answer peoples questions and show them verses of God's Promises and Love. 

Merry Christmas to all my readers!
Jesus is the Reason to celebrate this season!

John 3:16

King James Version (KJV)
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Sunset the evening we picked Brandie up from Barclay College We were somewhere around Wyoming.
  May 2012



November 26, 2012

Photography and Gods Plans for me?

I did it again I blogged a post and poof it was gone.  Thats ok it was wordy and long.
so I will try and keep this one short an save it as I go along.

Pastor Ron Mulkey on Sunday preached on John the Baptist. John new who was, who he wasn't and who Jesus is and how he (John) was to make Jesus known to those around.

Me I don't have clue who I am, who I am suppose to be or how to be a light for Christ. I am flawed and a sinner and have done many things I regret and wish to change but can't.

So I started with a prayer God show me who I am in your eyes.
 I have prayed this long before the sermon on Sunday.

He showed me a passion for taking pictures. Since I can remember I snapped photo's of this or that I have rolls of film in a cubboard I need to get developed if that is even possible these days.

I love photography and have thought about starting up a business and taking on clients charging for what I love to do. I set up several online accounts for printing options thru pro sites.
 I have taken online classes and even did a mentor class with a local pro and learned more things. And got more tools to use for my passion of taken pictures.

I have done portraits for community events, family members,
and friends, it would be so easy to set up shop
 but I am not that confident in my skills.

Yes it would be awesome to be a professional photographer. 
Father is that your plan for me?

Labels from teachers family and peers like
" You will never amount to anything"
"Your not good enough!"
"Your too stupid to be a photographer!"
"Any one can take a picture and your just nobody special."
"You're a Nobody!"

  The words haunt me daily the hold me back
they cloud my judgement
and I fall prey to the words and
 try prove they are wrong.

Lord I know this isn't what you have planned for me.
Take these words and make them go away!

OH but the pride I felt when I got the compliment from a pictures with my name.
That ego boost from the job well done.
Your a natural! AWESOME picture.

Then the guilt you know the feeling when God speaks to you
and shows you you are off the target and you have done wrong;
The guilt because of the wrong way I approached
 a person a year or so ago and the awful selfish way I acted
towards my pictures. 
The haunting of the labels of the past and that tape
 I play over and over in my head of things i did wrong
and should of done.
The idea of quiting, giving up
the fear of offending someone
or that I already did offend someone
and not forgiving myself for the action even though
I asked for forgiveness thousands of time. 

Father God I need YOU show me Your Plan! 
 Not my plan not the worlds plan
but Father What is Your Plan? 

My greatest joy in taking pictures is seeing God in them. 
It could be a horse jumping the fence, the snowy mountain,
my nieces love for her fiance, the smile on the little boy,
  I see God in every picture I take.
Thats what I want people to see from my work.

No longer do I put my name on the front of the picture
 (some call it it a water mark).
 I was selfish in putting it there in the first place.
 It wasn't so people wouldn't steal my photo as
 I professed so many times but it was so people
saw it was me who took the picture,
to get that compliment to gain recognition.
Even though I never asked for money my heart
 wasn't in the right place.
Yet somehow God shines thru in each picture.

I am a person who takes pictures because
 I like taking pictures.
 I don't use photoshop it is to complicated for me
 or so I have been told never used that program,
but I do edit my pictures.
I adjust the contrast the brightness or darkness.
 I sharpen or soften.
 I don't add objects or take away things but inhance
what is already there.
 I put boarders and change from color to black and white
or use presettings but my pictures are kept as real as possible.
 My creations are all things that God has created
I just want to provide another view and memory for people.
 To show them all things GOD.

 I want to capture the smile, the jump,
 the kiss, the moment, the new family,
 the loss, the emotions of the newly wed
or the family left to remember a loved one,
 capture the emotions God gave us.
 I want to capture and give it to people for their memory.
 I know what it is like not to have the money
for the memory and I feel
as if God is calling me to give not receive.

 I asked God how I could make a difference.
 I don't have the complete answers yet.
I do know that I dont have to be the person of the labels above.

I can take and give pictures to people.

I am a child of the KING of Kings!

I want to give back not get even or make a buck. I want to be a
John the Baptist a person showing who Jesus is to the world
 and giving God the credit.

Lord is this how you see me to be?

God created me.
 God gave me the Camera,
God gave me the tools to learn how to get the picture
 and God gave me the heart to want to share and care.
I take pictures they are a tool to God's kingdom.
A door to show the folks God's perfect plan.

The pictures I take are not my pictures but HIS.

This I undestand.... how He wants me to use this I don't know.
 So for now I will continue to share my pictures in the ways He gives me to share.
 I will continue to take pictures post them and pray people see God in them.
I will continue to be human and make mistakes. I will continue to lean on Him.

Thank You Father for the Joy of taking pictures.
Your creations are Breath taking! Amen

June 28, 2011

Leaning, Trusting God but Praising God now is hard for me......

On June 8th my youngest son John had emergency oral surgery to drain an infection that was out of control.  It took about a week but he did get better.   He was so much better we let him volunteer as a camp counselor and go for an airplane ride Saturday.  Although he had been complaining about a different tooth hurting it wasn't swollen or as sore as the tooth a few weeks back and I thought this couldn't happen twice.

   I regret now waiting because late Saturday night the pain got worse by Sunday his other side of his face started to swell just like last time.  I got a hold of our dentist who on a Sunday opened up his office and took a look at John. 

At this point John wasn't too bad but hurting bad so to be on the safe side he put John on the same antibiotics he just came off of and got him some more pain meds then told me to get him to the specialist ASAP Monday. 

Monday morning the pain was worse the swelling is much more prominent and by his appointment with the specialist it was obvious an infection had set in again.   Again John had emergency surgery to drain the infection and hopefully reduce his pain soon.   Monday night (last night) he spiked a fever and today although the fever is down he still has one.  This is day three on the antibiotics and I am thinking he should be some better but isn't.  

I haven't slept well these past three nights.  Leaning on God and trusting him or even praising God in this trying time isn't coming easy for me.

 I am trusting God and have placed John in His hands but praising God
not so easy when I see my son hurting so. 
 Leaning on God and trusting him to heal and praying that is easy.
Then I remembered that not to long ago I read a blog of a woman
who was challenged  to Praise God for the loss of her pregnancy at 18 weeks. 
To Thank God for everything in her life including this loss.
She wrote how peaceful she felt after stepping out in faith
 her pain eased as she did praise God. 

  I thought wow she must be a strong Christian to do so.
  Now faced with my own trials I am thinking how brave of her to follow that advice to praise God during the bad.  

So Here I am struggling to Praise God for what we have been dealt with.  It isn't easy to humble myself and Thank God for this trying time but I am struggling through it and I find myself a little bit more relaxed and comforted by God's love.

Philippians 4 verses 6-7:

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

This verse tells us not to worry but pray with thanksgiving not just pray or Praise God in just in the good times.

Psalm 100, verses 1-5:

Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands! 2 Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before His presence with singing. 3 Know that the Lord, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. 4 Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, And into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name. 5 For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, And His truth endures to all generations.

The verses say nothing about making a joyful noise or serve the Lord with gladness only when times are good.  They both are saying we should be doing these things all the time and HE will bring us the peace we need all the time in good and bad times.

I am so thankful that my faith is strong enough to step out and praise Him and Thank Him even though my heart is breaking seeing my son hurting.  

When I stepped out in faith and fully praised God with all of my heart I heard that still small voice reminding me God felt the same when His Son was being beat, 
 then hung on a cross for all of our Sins. 

 God knows my pain, my sorrow and my worries because HE has been there and now I am finding it much easier to Thank God for this trial.  I felt his peace just like that gal who just lost her unborn child felt the peace from her sorrows when she
thanked God for her hard times.
  It is so Very Very True that God is faithful and merciful to all who
 believe and trust in Him.

Blessing to All

June 22, 2011

Taking the Time to Slow down & Listen to God and seeing Beauty in everything!

  I have been so busy I have accomplished nothing.
Running around and not taking the time to really listen to God's still small voice is so easy.
  Not spending time in His Word became a habit and church hasn't been a big priority for me.
Lately every time I go to church a few days later I am back on antibiotics
 and the steroids so attending a crowed worship service just doesn't appeal to me.
  Heartatude I know.

This month has been a month of changes. 
My oldest is living elsewhere for the summer for his job.
My daughter graduated from high school and is leaving for Kansas in Aug for college.
(She will be attending Barclay a Christian College)
My youngest has his own agenda and this week he has
been a camp counselor for a local Christian camp.

All this has left me feeling down.
I feel as if my family is pushing me away and I am feeling left out of everything,
from hearing their plans to being apart of those plans.
Maybe it just the prednisone (a steroid with horrible side effects). 
I just haven't felt the same since I started taking them about a month ago.
 (on again off again not a solid month of steroids).
 Maybe this is how all mothers feel when they are entering the EMPTY NEST stage of life.

 So on Friday June 17th after work I decided to take my camera out and just drive around the county.
I needed to clear my head and find God again.

It is amazing what you will see when you slow down and take the time to look.

Then there is God's Art work.  I love Sunrises and Sunsets.  I have to admit I am not a morning person and thus I miss the skies in morning.  Here is some pictures of the sunset on June 17th.



What God has been teaching me....

Slow down and see the beauty all around! 

 No matter what you are feeling God is there!

Be thankful for everything!

There is beauty even during the ugly times you just have to open your eyes heart and mind to what God has to show you.

"But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you."        Psalm 39:7

If you can't find the light because the darkness is taking over go to God and He will provide you with His comforting light!

Don't be afraid to search for God's Beauty during sad times it is OK.

Always thank God for the bad things that happen
and watch your heart change from bitter, angry to peaceful and grateful.

Daily read God's word to be encouraged and find peace, love, hope and joy!

Here is some verses that have popped out at me this week!

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him." 
Jeremiah 17:7 New International Version

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.      Isaiah 41:10

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.   Philippians 4:13

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Psalm 34:8  (NIV)

I hope you slow down and listen to God still small voice. You will be amazed!



March 25, 2011

It has been a while .....

It has been a while since I have posted on this blog.
I just haven't known what to write or share with the world.
Two weeks ago I heard this song by Laura Store called Blessings.
It touched me and so I want to share her words with all of you.

Laura Story - "Blessings" Lyrics

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

(This is not raindrops but melting snow on the windshield of our Mazda Tribute taken Jan 2011 at Mt Hood Meadows Ski Lodge)

Just remember that no matter what trial comes your way
You're not alone, and HE Cares, and HE Loves You. 
He also whats us all to know that here on earth isn't our forever home.
Heaven will be home to all those who believe in God and excepts His gift....
His Son Jesus
The one who died on the cross as a perfect sacreficed human lamb
to wash away our sins and give us a direct way to GOD!

John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten
Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Prayerfully Yours

January 24, 2011

Finding God in Everything, Everyday.....

Again today on my way to work I see the sun rising over the eastern hills by my house.  The sun is casting a glowing pink, organish color agains the blue gray sky. Slowly warming up the cold brisk air that greeted me this moning as I stepped out our back door on my way to my car to get my day started.

I noticed that we had a smelly back and white vistor lurking around last night.  The oder of a skunk isn't hard to forget  exspecially if you had to give the poodle a tomato bath because he thought it was a kitty to chase. 

It got me thinking about God first thing this morning. 
Why would God create an animal that was cute to look at but smells so bad? 
Then I thank God for the chuckle  of the memory of discovering our french poodle Dusty had met a skunk sometime during the night during a gold panning/dredging expitdition somewhere near Canyonville Oregon.  What wasn't so funny was the ride home in the back of the pick up with the canopy jammed pack with camping and  the gold prospecting gear in 110 degree weather with a dog that smelled like skunk!!!!

So on my way to work this morining my nose and my eyes were opened to God's handy work. Then my other senses kicked the birds singing in the near by trees. The suttle ruslting of the aging dead leaves on the ground as a gentle swish of a breese waifs by. The hooting owls that are calling each other from differnt parts of our small rual town.  The thunderous rumbling of the ground from the train engine which
roaring down the track five or six blocks away. 
The steady click click click of the tran cars is a steady rythamatic beat. 

"Wow it is good to be awake!" 

 OK if you know me you know I am not a morning person!  
 Mornings exspecially Monday mornings should be banned as far as I am concerned.
 It should be a sin that the alarm clock go off before 10am on a week day and 12pm and weekends.
But for some reason this morning was different. I was a aware of everything
the sounds, smells, sights and vibrations that greeted me this morning just made my heart sing.

  I wish I had my camera this morning to take a picture of the sunrise. 
 Remember I hate mornings and I see this sight almost everyday during the winter LOL
My camera in the morning ya right I lucky to remember my work keys.
 I have to force myself to remember to take my morning meds. 

But isn't God great.  He took this non morning person this morning and gave her beauty and music.

What did God show you today? 

God showed me there is life before 10am on a Monday morning. 
That He is present even when I don't want to be!
Have a great and Peaceful week!